Jun 09 2010
DILEMMA OF THE DADDY’S GIRL
One reason, why women flounder so badly in relationships is because they compare every man they date to their fathers. For this case as Surani Ariff tell about girl, “Among my gal pals, when we meet to discuss the men (or the lack thereof) in our lives, we always compare them to our fathers. We s tart talking about the men in our lives and lo and behold, we start comparing them to the other man in our lives (Dad). And instantaneously….our fathers can do no wrong, our fathers are handsome, our fathers are the best. The blokes don’t stand a chance with the spectre of our dads hovering above them.”
Fathers are the first and most impactful presence in a girl’s life. He is the first man she sees. He is the first boyfriend and male confidante. Even the coldest of fathers make an impact on their daughters. That sets the pace in a women’s life and covers just about every aspect.
In the case of Daddy’s Girls, nothing can come to par. They’re highly competitive, and studies show that good relations between fathers and daughters create highly productive individuals concerned about social issues and are equally comfortable at home. This is why it is so difficult for successful women to just “settle”.
Then again, women, Daddy’s Girl or not, shouldn’t just settle. Don’t settle just because it’s time to get merried. Women should be in a relationship/profession/hobby because they want to do. At the time, because their yardstick is so high, their expectations can border on the ridiculous! No man can ever match up to Daddy.
“Yes he can, if the father is abusive and a good for nothing!” said friend. Touche? Not really.
Even if daddy was a real meanie, the daughter still carries the burden into her relationships with other men. Look any which way you want, how women conduct their lives are influenced by their fathers.
Is this syndrome good or bad? You know what, it can be a mixed bag. For us women, it is seeing truths, which may be unbearable. Truth be told, writing this is like a betrayal to our fathers. Because daddy is always right.
It’s not easy. You look at your mother and you realise your dad has provided her more than just love, money and emotional support. Now, can your man do all that?
Here’s the thing: You get wracked with guilt. You love your man and you love your daddy. You see the good and bad and you end up not really knowing how to deal with the issue.
Dealing with men requires not emotion but logic. Men compartmentalise everything. So as the daughter who is also a relationship with another man, you better start learning the art of compartmentalising – your feelings, your father’s and your fiance’s. This is probably why women spend so much money is spas and on manicures. Compartmentalising can drive any women nuts.
If dad feels her fiance does not make enough money, daughter has to prove to dad that he does. She may even have to have evidence of the fiance’s bank accounts and employment details! Men are visual beings. As f or her fiance, he will have to prove to his prospective father in law that he is financially stable, able to provide for the darling princess and father kids who’ll grow up to discover the existence of the Black Hole in space.
It would be good if the three can see each other for what they are and stop comparing or compartmentalising. But ultimately, it is left to the women to analyse the whole situation. This is a tense situation; she cannot offend anyone and she will also have to face herself – the hardest truth of all.
Is her man truly what she wants? Or is her father a fair and just man who sees the truth? And can she stand to it all?
It is indeed a sobering thought that may set straight relationships between fathers, daughter and poor fiances who get stuck in between it all. (Source: Gorgeous)
